Saloni Sarin and Stephen Howard
10.17.98 -- 6:00 p.m.
The City Club -- San Francisco
Officiant: Ann K. Evans

Introduction

My friends, good evening and welcome to the celebration of Saloni and Stephen's wedding. They are so pleased to have their families and friends gathered together, knowing that many of you have traveled a great distance to be here. They hope that this ceremony will allow you to hear the love they have for you as well as for each other. This is a public celebration of the private commitments they have made with their hearts and their lives. We have been called as witnesses to the promises Stephen and Saloni wish to make to one another. They will travel through life far more easily in the company of those who honor them and their relationship.

It is an act of courage and faith for two people to build a life together which allows love and respect to grow and flourish. With separate lives and responsibilities, Stephen and Saloni have had to be very deliberate about opening their hearts to love and shared life. It is far easier to remain closed and isolated than to surrender to the honest acceptance they find in each other's eyes. They have chosen to welcome all that they are and all they will become. From this day forward, they bring their differences as gifts to this joining of their spirits.

Invocation

A wedding is an ancient rite which joins lives and families together. The promises that Stephen and Saloni will make to one another and the promises that we will make to them echo covenants that have been made throughout history in the name of love. Ritual reflects the way we live and the values we hold dear. In this ceremony, we wished to honor the very different heritages and traditions to which Saloni and Stephen are heirs.

They have chosen to marry in the heart of the city -- this is where they met, and this is where they make their home. Tonight, this place is set apart and consecrated unto love and community. Today, as we celebrate with them, let each of us remember the promises we have made to those we love and the connections that make our lives meaningful.

This is holy work which is to be done here. Friends, joined together in celebration, create a sacred space. Stephen and Saloni take such joy in the communities which have loved and nurtured them and are gathered here today. There are friends from every stage of their lives. Their dedication to their communities bodes well for their future as partners and as a family. Their joining calls you into community with one another. Take a moment and look around at all who are gathered here, and let us call upon all those who are with us in spirit only. As their chosen community, please turn and greet one another saying: Peace and Greetings to All.

Holy and Loving God, we give thanks for the Divine Spirit that is the gift of life and the forces that move the world. We are moved with delight at the thought that now love flourishes where once there was nothing. We ask a blessing on this couple and on the life they will lead together. As we offer them our prayers and good wishes, help us to remember our own promises and let us rejoice in one another. Blessed be.

Joining of Families

Saloni and Stephen come to this ceremony as adults making a free choice to join their lives together. Their love is grounded in the love they enjoy and share with you. This is a marriage born among friends that celebrates the family they are creating and gives thanks for their families of origin and spirit who have loved them. Among others, tonight they remember and miss Rob, their matchmaker, who taught them much about honesty, making memories and making family. And there are others, no longer with us, who helped them become the individuals they are today. And so I ask, who comes with Stephen to welcome Saloni into his family?

Stephen's family: We do.

Who comes with Saloni to welcome Stephen into her family?

Saloni's family: We do.

Do you acknowledge the bond that this union makes between you? And are you ready to celebrate all that lies ahead?

Both families:We are.

Reading

Fire is an important part of the Hindu wedding ritual. Fire offers transformation on many levels. The divine fire transforms our lives and the mundane transforms our crops to food and our fuel to heat. Today, Saloni's sister, Swati, will read from Rig Veda 10:191, "Hymn to Agni" -- Lord of Fire.
You take possession, Powerful Agni
Of all that is precious for your friend.
As you are kindled at the Sacrifice
Bring us all wealth.

Come together! Speak together!
Let your minds be in harmony.
As the gods of old together
Sat in harmony for their share of the Sacrifice.

Common is the counsel, common the assembly,
Common the mind; let your thoughts be common too.
I lay before you a common purpose,
With united minds we offer the Sacrifice.

Let your aim be one and single;
Let your hearts be joined in one;
Let your mind too be united,
Let all, about these, willingly agree.

Statement of Intent

The writer, Toni Morrison, tells us that "the only grace we can have is the grace we can imagine. If we can't see it, we can't have it." As we step forward into our future, we must learn to articulate our dreams so that we can live into them. We must say to our community what we are willing to grow toward. With a clear vision of the future, we can celebrate our successes and correct our course from our missteps. With this in mind,

Saloni, why have you called us here today? What are you celebrating?

Saloni: I know this marriage will last a lifetime because we give each other the space to grow as individuals and accept each other however we change. I am celebrating the things we have in common - our values, our respect and trust of each other and the things we do not have in common - our accents, our backgrounds, our temperaments. But there are a few things I have to say to Stephen that can be best said in this poem by Roy Croft:

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
but for what I am
when I am with you,
not only for what
You have made of yourself
but for what
You are making of me
That you bring out;

I love you
Because you have done more
Than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done without a touch
Without a word
Without a sign
You have done it by being yourself
Perhaps that is what
Being a husband and friend means after all.

Stephen, what do you celebrate?

Stephen: For me, the clock has stopped. When Saloni and I found each other, I felt as though I had been given the keys to the rest of my life. Her love gives me a great sense of patience, hope and peace. Everything is just right, because now every day is ours.

We both picked snippets from poets to express some of what we feel. Mine's from John Donne:

Love, all alike, no season knowes, nor clyme
Nor houres, dayes, moneths, which are the rags of time ...

She'is all States, and all Princes, I
Nothing else is.
Princes doe but play us; compar'd to this,
All honor's mimique; All wealth alchimie."

I dream of sitting with Saloni at age 75 and looking back on our lives together. There's nothing else to accomplish or to avoid that's more important than reaching that reminiscence.

Statement of Support

Communities today are fluid and our lives are fragmented by work and responsibilities. People move in and out of our lives, and only the steadfastness of our friends and family keeps us connected. We must work to recognize the communities which are our places of refuge and support, where we seek to find a safe place to say what is in our hearts and on our minds.

We speak easily of love as the most important value in our lives. Yet, we find it almost embarrassing to speak of in relation to specific people. But it is the love of individuals that transforms our lives. These words of love are those that we most need to hear -- and which can feel the most awkward spoken in public. This wedding is also a reminder to speak up about the healing aspects of love wherever it occurs.

At this point in time, couples pledging their lives to one another accept the challenges of living together in love, as well as the responsibilities of adapting the institution of marriage to meet their needs. There is very little that supports couples and families today. No matter how strong their love for one another, as Saloni and Stephen choose the hard work of becoming each other's life partner, they will need your loving support if they are to thrive.

Today before their friends and family to honor and celebrate their commitment to one another, they are publicly reaffirming their friendship, respect, and love and the long process of joining their lives together. Invited to share in their joy, to support them, and to honor their relationship, you are asked to challenge them to live their lives with integrity - both as individuals and as a family.

Their honesty calls for your response. If you are willing to support them in their life together, please repeat after me:

All: Saloni and Stephen, we are witnesses of your intentions, and we pledge you our love and support.

[Carter Howard, stephen's father, reads.]

Exchange of Promises

You have spoken your intentions for joining your lives. You have heard your friends and family pledge to support you in this endeavor. You have listened to images of love and intimacy that they might serve as touchstones in the years that lie ahead. Knowing what you know of each other and of the difficult and rewarding task of making a life together, are you now ready to make your promises to one another and choose a life lived in partnership?

Stephen and Saloni: We are.

Stephen: I, Stephen, choose you, Saloni, to be my partner and my wife. Today, as I promise to love you, I promise to keep my heart open and trusting, being gentle with you and with myself. I will nurture, support and cherish you as you grow old. I will love you for as long as I live, and you will be my heart's companion.

Saloni: I, Saloni, choose you, Stephen, to be my partner and my husband. As I promise to love you, I promise to keep my heart open and trusting, being gentle with you and with myself. I will nurture, support and cherish you as you grow old. I will love you for as long as I live, and you will be my heart's companion.

Giving and Receiving of Rings

You will exchange rings in celebration of your covenant. Rings are an ancient symbol of relationship: round to remind us of love's cycles and renewals; strong to remind us of love's durability. In claiming these symbols, you consecrate these rings you have chosen with your decision to proclaim your partner a constant presence in your life. Let them serve as the outward and visible signs of the inward and invisible friendship, love, respect, and desire which bind your hearts together. Wear them in health and happiness.

Saloni: Stephen, I give you this ring as I have given you my heart. May our love forge a strong and enduring bond. With this ring, I thee wed.

Stephen: Saloni, I give you this ring as I have given you my heart. May our love forge a strong and enduring bond. With this ring, I thee wed.

Blessing and Proclamation

Stephen and Saloni have stood apart and spoken what was in their hearts, making solemn and singular promises to one another. Now, joyfully they assume their rightful place in their community.

Families are webs that are woven together strand by strand. Today Saloni's life and Stephen's are being woven together. As important people in their lives, you each have you own place in their hearts. They know that all relationships must be nurtured and strengthened, and that where there is love, they can be repaired. As they are married today, they acknowledge their understanding of the roles they take on as caretakers for the web of family and as people who will expand the web with their own family.

In a traditional Indian wedding, the end of the bride's sari would be tied to a scarf around the groom's neck. This tying together represents the entwining lives of the couple and their families. Red is the traditional bridal color and the groom's scarf is often white. Today, Stephen's mother, Laura, and Saloni's mother, Sudha, will present their children with scarves which I will tie together to symbolize their joining. In their offering of the scarves the mother's celebrate not only their children's marriage but also their families new relations.

My friends, we have borne witness to this ceremony. We know that what was done here today, did not start here, but has long been true in their hearts and in the loving heart of the Universe. There is no power greater than the power of love freely offered.

Saloni and Stephen what you have said before your community, let it be true and valid for the rest of your lives. Go in peace and forgive one another freely. Love each other with open hearts and understanding minds. Open to the love and forgiveness your partner so generously extends to you. Hold hands, laugh, and make room for love to flourish that you may be sustained while you are apart and that you may always find your way back into the center of your life.

Stephen and Saloni, by your lives together and by your words today in this ceremony of the heart, you are truly married and may you blessed be.

[Tie the scarves! Kiss!]

Benediction and Dismissal

Immediately after the ceremony, Saloni and Stephen will retire to spend their first few minutes as a married couple alone. While this is happening, they invite you to enjoy the champagne and hors d'oeuvres. They'll rejoin you shortly.

Beloved, we came together as witnesses to the work entailed in making and keeping loving commitments. Let us remember this as we leave this place. May the love which brought us together, live in our hearts and theirs forever. And now, may the grace of the Spirit, the strength of this gathering, and the beauty of each person here, be with you and abide with you, both now and always. The ceremony is ended, let the celebration continue, today, and for the rest of their lives.